Getting back to being me (The "If I Had A Job Wishlist")

September was a ROUGH month for me. Mentally decompressing from the bar exam plus stressing out about not having a job (a lovely combo of struggling to accept my lack of employment plus worrying about how I'd pay my bills) plus a lack of structure to my days equaled a horrible month! Last month was a low point but the eventual consequence of dealing with back to back major stressors for months - first finals, then studying for the bar exam, then taking the bar exam, then searching for a job and worrying about money - and these things distracted me from my loves: writing, reading, music (listening to, reading about, etc.) and SHOPPING!

As I am strapped for cash (much like the rest of the country - I know) of course I'm not shopping. But I've let that fact keep me from window shopping - my second favorite fashion activity. I've always liked thinking about clothes/shoes/accessories I'd like to own, putting together looks - starting when I played with cutout dolls as a little girl. If I had a job that paid me well, these are the things I'd be buying for this season*:

Outerwear:

Old Navy Women's Plus: Wool Blend Trench Coat - here in Heather Grey, also available in Black. $92.

People sleep on Old Navy in terms of offering great style but I think this piece is a good example of why people - particularly plus size women - should pay attention. It's a great price, very affordable for those of us who are paid well. It's also a classic, clean cut sort of coat - this is the kind of cut that would be flattering on me. Heather grey is one of my favorite neutrals - the color is great! This is great coat to wear with all those suits I'd have to wear to work...





Old Navy Women's Plus: Wool Blend Belted Coat - here in Green Envy, also available in Black. $82.

Another great piece from Old Navy's Women's Plus line! I am not a big fan of the three-quarter sleeve coat trend (it's not practical and it can look a bit odd on some) but I will make an exception for this pretty pretty green piece of coat! I love it! (Green is my favorite color.) Also the belted look is a good look for me - I look better when my waist is accentuated - as do most women, I think.







Wear to Work:

I have a few suits already but with a new job, I'll need to update the ol' work wardrobe, for sure:

Lane Bryant: Knit Dress with Jaquard Jacket Set. $89.50.

This is a great look for the workplace! It's basic but not boring (thanks to the jacquard print jacket), it's comfortable and also made up of two very versatile pieces. The jacket can definitely be work with a basic top and bottom - and the knit dress is cute enough to be worn by itself (with the right accessories it would work for an afterwork event) or with another cardigan or jacket. I love suits that are mix and matchable.






Kiyonna: Alexa Sateen Blazer & Alexa Pleated Skirt. $128 & $92, respectively.

Sateen isn't typically something I'd try to rock to work but I would totally make an exception for this suit - preferably on a Friday. It's too cute!













And I'm LOVING the heels the model is wearing with the suit! They'd be a good look with this next piece:
















Kiyonna: Juliet Wrap Dress - here in Prissy Purple, also available in Black and Tickled Teal. $128.

I love a good wrap dress - form fitting where I need it to fit, flowy where I need it to flow, and it works in all kinds of settings. For work, this would be a good with a white button down collared shirt underneath - and afterwork, take off the shirt, put on some hot heels like the ones above and I'm good to go!










Wear to Play:

All work and no play makes for a very dull girl - and since I'm far from dull, I think the play clothes deserve the same attention as the work clothes:

Old Navy: Women's Princess Sleeve Sweaters - here in Pink Stripe, many varieties available. $29.50.
Ok so I actually own this sweater - saw it in the store, walked away from it (budgetary concerns, you know) and found myself just thinking about it and thinking about it... so I got it and it was worth it! It's super cute on me. There's a green stripe option to this sweater that's just as cute but something about the sweater called to me... and so I answered. I also like that I could possibly wear it to work (layered with a collared shirt underneath) - which is how I justified my purchase! This would look fab with these chocolate brown knee-high boots I own and maybe a cute denim skirt, like this:





Torrid: High Waisted Denim Pencil Skirt. $38.

I have to say that I'm not impressed with the way the skirt fits the model but I know that with my curves, this pencil skirt would work! The cut always fits me well and in dark denim I don't think I could go wrong here.












Shoes:

For me, shoe shopping in the fall is really BOOT shopping...

Payless: Shelby Tall Stretch Boot. $44.99.

Sexy sexy! Not too many shoes beat a sleek, simple stretch knee boot. I have so many outfits with which this will go well...














Bronx Nazza - here in Pond, also available in Black. Found on Piperlime.com for $235.
These look extra comfy and are that shade of grey I love - or are they green? I imagine this is one of those items that might look a bit different in person. Grey or green I don't think I'd mind them - they're hot! Bronx makes great shoes.

Coclico Obama Boot. $535.
These are beautifully crafted boots - and they better be for $535! But they're named after Obama? I guess you rock these babies and everyone will know that YES, YOU CAN! I'm loving the heel and the cognac brown color. No shocker that Piperlime has them marked as a "best seller."

I let go of an important part of who I am during the past few months but I feel like that I'm slowly getting back to being me. I think it's important to keep on doing the things you love regardless of whatever's going on in life. I haven't online window shopped like this in a long time - I haven't really sat and thought about wearing new things or explored what was going on in fashion the way I used to explore. I was way too distracted with being troubled by my troubles but no more of that! This blog was so much fun to write - it definitely helped me feel a bit better. I hope you enjoyed it too.






*The images used in this post are deemed to be the property of the owners of the brands associated with the images, and are being used solely for informational purposes. If you are the owner of these images and take issue with their use, please contact me and I will gladly address your concerns. Thank you.

Liberation

Last week Thursday I applied for a policy analyst position with a great employer. Friday I got an email from them asking me to come in for an interview. Monday I interviewed and yesterday afternoon, I received a very cordial rejection email. When I consider the speed with which everything happened, I can't help but to wonder at the idea that I could have been hired for a new and pretty damn great job within the same week of interviewing!

Why can't it be that easy?

They say that anything worth earning is worth struggling for. I believe it - but I don't believe that just because something is worth a struggle means that I should actually have to struggle for it. Thus far in my life, however, if it's worth a struggle, I end up struggling for it. And I'm tired of it - especially when it comes to the job hunt.

I get a daily email of quotes from an organization called Abraham-Hicks. (I highly recommend perusing the website, especially if you're a believer in the power of the law of attraction.) One of the emails sent to me this week was this brief quote from one of their seminars:

Most of you do not believe that it is your natural state of being to be well.

This gave me SO much to think about! Whoever said this was right - at least about most of the people I know. There are so many of us who don't believe that our natural state is a state of well-being - that what's natural is to suffer, whether the suffering is physical, emotional, financial or mental. And up until I read that solitary line I'd say that I too, didn't believe that my natural state of being is a state of well being in ALL aspects of my life. What the hell was wrong with me? Particularly when it comes to job hunting, my belief was ALWAYS that job hunting is supposed to be this sufferable, arduous task of indefinite duration, that my financial situation would be in jeopardy and might even become critical as a result of failures to secure a job within a certain time period. And what has been my situation? I've been job hunting and it's been sufferable and arduous with an end not currently in sight. My financial situation has gone beyond being in jeopardy and is now critical. Surprise surprise.

It's the law of attraction at work. Great minds and not so great minds (like me) understand that our mindset shapes our reality. Sometimes the impact of our mindset is obvious and sometimes its not so obvious - but your view of the world will shape your world.

After receiving the rejection yesterday, I sat for a bit and considered the timeline of events with this particular job and it hit me: if it is that easy for me to be rejected then it is that easy for me to be hired! Of course there are factors in play that are beyond my control that will work against me: the job market, the economy and my competition being the biggest factors. But I have plenty to counter against those factors: my skills, my experience, my degree, and most importantly (in my opinion) my PERSONALITY. (In case you didn't know, I'm pretty fabulous. And who doesn't like fabulous?) I didn't get the position but there was someone, maybe even a few people, who actually got the job and got it as easily and swiftly as I got rejected. Who am I to say that sort of fortune doesn't await me? It can be that easy - and clearly, it was that easy for someone!

I think struggle is important and even necessary at times for true success. We wouldn't really appreciate what we've been given if we got it handed to us - some things just ought to be worked for, like weight loss, or a writing career. Working for it usually means that there are lessons to be learned in the process that will help us grow and maintain or further our success. But there are some things, like landing my first job out of law school, that do not necessarily require struggle to be accomplished - there are some equally as talented and gifted who don't go through a whole lot to accomplish this - and there are some who take awhile to get there. I've stopped questioning the difficulties, however. I've learned some lessons here too - and there may be more for me to learn. I have come to see as a result of this most recent rejection that I can make my experiences as positive or as negative and as difficult or as easy as I want them to be. I am in control of how my experiences impact my life - my view of the world shapes my world. And I feel liberated.

(And I would have never guessed that I would have gotten all that from being rejected!)

P.S. Liberation aside, I STILL can't help but to wonder how much longer I'll have to actually hunt...

Thankful

Earlier today, I had an exchange with someone that showed me how much I've grown.

Who this person was, my relationship with the person and what was particularly said isn't important. What's important to know is that the person insulted me in a way that would offend anyone of average sensibility - maybe even those who are less sensitive than most. What's also important - and the indicator of my growth - was my response: "Thank you."

Preceding the thank you and following the insult was a very brief assessment of my mind state. You know, the first reaction is usually the right one - indicative of what needs to be done or said, of how you genuinely feel. And what I felt was an immensely positive feeling. And so I thanked the person.

Even as I write this I think it's a bit odd how everything went down. I know the insulter thought so as well - indicated by looking at me like I was odd and then subsequently shrinking away. I think its odd that my initial feeling was so positive - afterward I felt a bit of anger and a bit saddened that this person - who really should be the last person to insult me or call me a name - acted in this way. But this isn't a new situation with this particular person - it's rather old - and something I've had trouble walking away from due to the nature of our relationship. It's also not new to me that this person is incredibly negative. But what I've come to realize, as I assess the situation, is that I've learned how to respond to negativity with positivity. For me, that's huge!

About five years ago I experienced something that ultimately lead to me to deciding to love myself a bit more. From that, a lot of other changes came about, including a revamping of my mindset - from the negative and the positive. I feel like I'm still experiencing the revamp, but it's gotten easier. I feel like the more I seek positivity the more that it finds me in unexpected ways. Just goes to show that being focused on a particular thing tends to attract more of it your life. Your mindset shapes your reality, you know? Still, I have negative experiences, like anyone else, but I find that I'm able to flip the negative into the positive a whole lot easier now than I used to. Just goes to show that the more you do something, the easier it gets!

But before tonight, I've never responded with positivity in the face of negativity so instantaneously. It's a blessing. I am truly thankful for the experience.

More about loving yourself, later.